"The scary thing was that she said it five times, but I didn't even know what she was saying."

Reflecting on the relationship with our phones.

This is Mohnish Soundararajan, a filmmaker in Portland, Oregon, the director and screenwriter of the upcoming ‘Monochrome’, and a member of Desert Island Studios. ‘Reflections’ is a new direction of the newsletter, in which I reflect on film, books, human nature, life, the mystery of who we are, and everything beyond. These reflections are spoken orally into a microphone, interview-style. They’ve been edited for clarity, length, and fun. Enjoy.

Reflection: On the Relationship with Our Phones

“So when I was in college, I basically had a moment. It was this very, very vivid moment. I was on my phone, I was at my parents house and my mom was asking me, hey, can you do the dishes?

And she said it once and I looked down at my phone: I was like, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure, whatever. And she said it a second time. I was like, sure, whatever. She said it a third time. I was like, okay, yeah. And then she said it a fourth and a fifth time.

And then I look up from my phone and I tell her: I'm sorry, what did you ask me?

And the scary thing was that she said it five times but I didn't even know what she was saying because I was so absorbed by the contents of my phone that I didn't even hear what she was saying.

Of course, I don't think phones are intrinsically bad. But I think when it comes down to it, what I saw on that day, was how the phone was a tool that could effectively disconnect me from the reality of my life.

It could effectively disconnect me from the things that were actually in my life. The people that were actually in my life. The work that I wanted to do.

Now: the fact that I can talk to my mom, or I can talk to my dad, or I can talk to my best friend, and I can see their face in real time—I can see their fucking face—and I can talk to them. I can say words. They can say words. We're having conversations in real time, thousands of miles away. I'm able to see their face and the reactions to my words in real time…The fact that this is even possible should be completely mind-blowing. And you should wake up every morning thinking, holy shit, I can't believe this is the world that we're in now.

But the main point here is that our phones, our technology—the fact that I can get information at a moment's notice, the fact that it is a miracle—is the danger. And the danger, I feel, is technology can be used in a way where it's using us.

And so: it really comes down to the individual and the idiosyncrasies of the individual and the depth of that individual: what do they want out of their life and what do they want to be? What do they care about? If you're a comedian, and comedy is really important to you, and from four to five—for an hour—you look at Instagram and you look at comedy videos, that’s great. Because that’s what you deeply want to be doing. That is totally different than someone who is going to their phone and doesn't want to get lost in the event horizon of the black hole that is their cell phone, and does so anyway.

And so I think it really comes down to you. What is the relationship that you want to have with your phone? What relationship do you want to have with the (beautiful) world of entertainment? There's more shit than the Library of Alexandria in your pocket. You have access to more information, more entertainment, more of the world's videos than any point in human history.

But it's all consolidated into one little dinky thing in your pocket that you can take with you. And I think sometimes people don't recognize the power of what that means. And so when people say “I'm on my phone all the time. I can't stop looking at my phone.” And they bash themselves about it. I'm like, dude, of course you can't. You have God in your fucking pocket. How are you not gonna be looking at that thing all the time, right?

What I'm saying is: I think we're living in the future, and we’re not aware of it. It just feels like the present. But the future is in our pockets. And so if we want to stay connected to reality, if we want to stay connected to the worlds that we're in, if we want to have a coherent relationship to our phones, I think we have to get very, very clear about what that means and how we want it to function in our lives.

I grew up in the early 2000s, where technology was the door to worlds of information that I just didn't have before. Worlds of learning that I didn't have before. Worlds of new perspectives that I wouldn't have had access to when I was growing up in the middle of Illinois and I'm two minutes from a cornfield. So to me, the Internet and the Information Age has a soft spot in my heart.

But it's a double edged sword. You just don't want to pierce yourself on it.”

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